BREAKING NEWS—THE KIRSCH RECAP
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Palmarian officials tonight are vigorously denying allegations that they are linked to a man known as the Regent. Regardless of the outcome of the investigation, religious news pundits believe that tonight’s scandal may be the deathblow for this controversial church, which Edmond Kirsch always alleged was responsible for the death of his mother.
Furthermore, with the global spotlight now shining harshly on the Palmarians, media sources have just unearthed a news story from April 2016. This story, which has now gone viral, is an interview in which former Palmarian pope Gregorio XVIII (aka Ginés Jesús Hernández) confesses that his church was “a sham from the beginning” and was founded “as a tax-evasion scheme.”
ROYAL PALACE: APOLOGY, ALLEGATIONS, AILING KING
The Royal Palace has issued statements clearing Commander Garza and Robert Langdon of any wrongdoing tonight. Public apologies have been extended to both men.
The palace has yet to comment on Bishop Valdespino’s apparent involvement in tonight’s crimes, but the bishop is believed to be with Prince Julián, who is currently at an undisclosed hospital, tending to his ailing father, whose condition is reportedly dire.
WHERE IS MONTE?
Our exclusive informant [email protected] seems to have disappeared without a trace and without revealing his or her identity. According to our user poll, most still suspect that “Monte” is one of Kirsch’s tech-savvy disciples, but a new theory is now emerging that the pseudonym “Monte” may be short for “Mónica”—as in the Royal Palace PR coordinator, Mónica Martín.
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